Rumor Has It
Article voiceover
collage by me
It’s my birthday tomorrow. Some years I feel panic but this year I’m simply excited.
Thank you to everyone who has been reading from the beginning and thanks for reading this now.
<3 - H
Rumor Has It I read Sophie Strand's incredibableeey book, The Madonna Secret. I don’t love the title - It makes Miriam (AKA Magdalene) In the book, and probably IRL, sound like She's solely laying out on hot rocks naked When really she's this blindingly unapologetic, spiritually gifted trickster god type making trouble. Some people kept trying to tell me That I was trying to start a new religion, with my research with the talking about the research But I wasn’t trying to start a new religion I was just pointing out that maybe it didn't happen how we said it did That's obvious but the Empire in the religion and that maybe there was some "magic" or let's call it technology that was co-opted transfigured hidden in plain sight It's a rose but wait it's really a dove but wait It's a rabbit coming out a hat TA DA Real sleight of hand stuff But in this way complicated interpersonal communication values beliefs way The real sleight of hand stuff Tricksters wink at you at all hours and from the funniest places if you're paying enough attention. I also wasn’t trying to say it was about the divine feminine. Catch my eye roll — And then some other people, Who are probably smarter with their words because they do words for a living, And probably listening more closely because they had a crush on me And maybe I even said more stuff that was more true because of this Were like, "OH, you want to write a book on the history of magic." And I said ok yes, bc it’s true but It’s true but it’s also I put it all down. Because I was confused. I was "under-resourced." I was tired, ok Sometime in the midst of this, I was on TikTok. I mean addicted to TikTok. And I stumbled upon Chaweon Koo (Who I will be mentioning again later) Specifically, “how to contact a demon.” I hadn’t yet gotten to the part where she says, It’s dangerous and you probably should consider other options before you contact these mercenary-like beings. So anyway, I climbed into my bathtub because that’s where I feel the most grounded. To get even more grounded I did this acting exercise I’ve been doing since I was a child where you imagine there’s a ball in your hand. Two hands, holding a ball. So there I am, bath salts salting, pretending there’s a ball in my hand - And calling in the demons, per TikTok instructions. Which mostly meant offering up my ethereal body for consumption. Because it probably grows back, right? “Because it probably grows back, right?? I don’t think so Hannah, I DON’T THINK SO.” - Nisa. Notably, afraid of demons. SO ANYWAY - I swear on my life, I wasn’t on any drugs. I had been sleeping. I was fed. Life was fine. I have no family history of seeing stuff though certainly people have seen stuff and still been sane. I saw a literal ball of light appear in my hands. I screamed, dropped the ball, and shouted, “Ok, thankkkkkks.” And then I told my therapist. Whose reply was tepid, tbh. “You know Hannah, a lot of people experience magical things all the time and they don’t worry about it.” Like, ok, are you a plant? Excuse me, shouldn’t you worry about me contacting demons? Are you, yourself, a demon? JK, I don’t think she’s a demon. I mean, one time I did get a really sus voice message from her When she was visiting her daughter in some desert part of Washington, Basically the armpit of Washington. And my first thought --- I know this is dramatic LOL but honest to god it was my first thought --- Was, hmmmmm, do you think it’s possible that she was taken over by a demon while she was there? Which, is of course, a weird thing to think And definitely a weirder thing to think just based off one sus voicemail. But now here we are post demon contacting exercise with this response And suddenly it seems almost reasonable. So she told me that I didn’t have to tell anyone what happened, And if I explored magic I also didn’t have to tell anyone. Because basically, it’s none of their business. Which, I completely agree with. But it got me thinking about what I put down. How maybe I needed to put it down for a while So I could instead ask, what am I really supposed to be learning? Like without putting it into a shape right away And maybe also how can we ask more interesting questions than Is it REAL or NOT REAL? I don't know if everyone gets it or can even get it because we're all collectively like, "Boooo religion" And spirituality has on the public stage anyway mostly just turned into Brittney's everywhere Zooming in from their boho themed living room's Waving sage around and blessing us with their love and light Or like, still-militarized religion Telling the gays they should die or whatever or systematically divorcing us from our internal compasses I can't even get started with all the issues, I'm saying I agree More problematically than even that if you can believe it is that I don't know if everyone gets it or can even get it because we're like, "OH, we're the masters of the Universe." I mean don't even get me started on our Quest for Moon Resources "Break The Ice Lunar Challenge" I love PR It's not even really our fault per se. It's just kind of how we were taught to think, As a given, and it's really hard to see those beliefs when they're Basically shaping the foundations of our reality Even the word reality gets a small flinch, nothing is safe from the over initiated It's like, if you were married to someone And you found out later on the entire time, They had a whole other family with children and dogs and whole matching tupperware sets, and you didn't know. It would be pretty shattering, right? You'd be going, "What's even true?" The part that's hard about it is that, even though you didn't know The entire time you're thinking that's not real The entire time it is very real. Yeah. So. It's kind of like that. I mean, not with the dogs and family and stuff. But just, it'd be pretty hard to accept and there's no reason you'd want to go looking for something that would completely shatter your reality. And it would feel pretty bad to learn about, Especially if you really identified with it. AKA Sole Wife to Guy Who it turns out has multiple wives and lives Shattering Or, in our case, Child of Science, Materialist, absent from our bodies Suddenly discovering our bodies are capable of more than we think Shattering And the entire structure, like the way we've been taught to see the world While really cool and awesome for some things Maybe, intentionally, MAYBE prevents us from seeing this whole either realm of truths So some people can like, hog the power and the wealth and love and stuff We love power and wealth and love and stuff But like, it's good to know how it's getting scraped up and piled up and distributed on principle, just, IDK I want to know and I want you to know too So anyway I thought it was good advice You don't need to tell anyone or talk about it because it's none of their business But then I thought, what if it's important? Because prob you don't need to, Out of curiosity, sit in your bathtub and follow a recipe to summon a demon or go looking around this cornerless earth for ancient technology maybe you can just try to get real cozy in your body and read about it let me do the dirty work, play heretic, lay my neck out pale and beating under the knife But on another level What if there was some field of reference to draw a comparison that didn't seem crazy and what if it could give people tools or introduced them to the tools that already exist really to access their bodies so they could hear what is being communicated to them in it's intended meaning at minimum. Because it's crazy how beliefs act like real life stopper uppers of your ears For me too, all the time, that's how come I found out "Thanks, misunderstandings and dire miscommunication!" Real illusion magic is subtle I love it, I'm deeply impressed I'm on my knees for it. Respect, that's all I have. It seems to me It seems to me it's worth talking about Because tbh it's pretty hard to ignore a whole ball of light in your hands And it's also getting pretty loud out here IDK if you noticed but it's getting pretty loud out here And I'm just trying to stop clenching my fists Like if I can't drop out and join the stars which seemed like a great option once upon a time Then what else am I going to do? What can I do? Obviously self serve my specific weird interest ha In the end it could all could be totally imaginary I mean there are lots of imaginary theoretical things that are also in some other sense entirely real, entire legit fields of study so it could be and then also "what if you're just imagining it all?" is def def a smart question by a smart person but also people have wasted their lives on less.